If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
