the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
