I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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