New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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