There was a lot of him and a little penis
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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