well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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