dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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