We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
