Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
