This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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