Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
