when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
