I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
