She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
