Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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