Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
