i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
