the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
