I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
