hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Congratulations! We have a period
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