I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
