i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
