what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
