I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
