Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
