The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
