i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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