I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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