OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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