Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
