I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
