finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
