Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
