Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
