I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
