So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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