Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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