Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
