11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
