Too much gin, very little bucket
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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