At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
