who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
