fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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