we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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