just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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