Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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