Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
