I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
