smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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