i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
