I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
