yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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