she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
