Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
