I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
they need to just BURY HIM!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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